Monday, September 03, 2007

Idiots Among Us

This is going to be my first rant... bear with me, please.

I was off to do the grocery shopping today, with Boogie, my trusty sidekick, in tow. We usually go to a Kroger about 5 miles away, bypassing the Kroger closest to us, because, well, because the closer one sucks. I'd been going there for years, but last year they remodeled it, took out he service meats and seafood, moved everything around, stopped carrying products I like, just sucks there. So off to Grandview we go, to a much nicer, cleaner, well stocked, SERVICE-ORIENTED store. I like it there. It's pretty nice for a Kroger store. They even have a computerized touch-screen deli ordering system, so we never have to wait at the deli to place our order, wait for it to be sliced, etc... They have a sushi counter where I can actually see the sushi chef making the day's selections. They have a Starbucks (I know, the devil's coffee shop, but still..) , they have everything in the weekly flier in stock, even on the last day of the sale, and I don't get sneered at asking for paper bags - if I even have to ask; the cashiers there usually ask first.

The clientèle are even prettier there.

Anyway, we're on our way, driving along, obeying the speed limit (please don't speed through Valleyview) and I'm approaching the intersection of Hague and Fisher when I realize there is a light blue mini-van riding my rear bumper. I turn onto Fisher and he's right behind me still, so close I can read the number on the handicap placard dangling from his rear view mirror. I proceed as I normally do down Fisher at 35 MPH - I generally drive the speed limit, especially in town, and Mr. mini-van is still right there climbing into my trunk. I turn onto McKinley and he's still right behind me, trying to climb up my tailpipe, starting to appear a bit impatient. I then turn onto 5th, where the speed limit drops to 25 MPH and the cops like to hang out. I am NOT going any faster just because Mr mini-van can practically change my radio station. I can almost count his nose hairs he so close now, and he's getting pissed - most people fly right down this section of 5th Ave at 40-45 MPH. Not me. Never do. Especially now. We get to Lake Shore, where the road widens from 1 lane each way to 2. Mr Mini-van jumps on the gas, swerves around me on the right, blasts ahead and cuts in front of me, just in time to get stopped behind another car at the light at Dublin Rd. This desperate passing all happens in the length of perhaps 300 feet. No kidding see for yourself.
So now he's in front of me. He should be happy. I'm a bit peeved.

And that's when I see it. The sticker on his rear window. It's one of these:I'm laughing now. Yep. This idiot wants an "Idiot Free America". Then I notice exactly where on the rear window the sticker is placed . It's completely covering his 3rd light, the required safety light in the center of the rear window., just like this:
(Note: this is not the ACTUAL idiot mini-van, just my own personal rendering of it)

All I could think of was that someone gave Mr mini-van the sticker in jest and he still doesn't get that the joke is on him.

I was gladdened a bit more, even, as the car in from of Mr Mini-van wasn't in as much of a hurry as Mr Minivan was either. Am I evil for this making me feel very good inside.? Once they got up to Arlington Ave, Mr Mini-van squeezed between the car in front of him and the curb on the right so he could make a right turn, almost jumping the curb to do it... Good riddance.

So here's to you, Mr minivan, and on the off-chance that you're reading this, on the even slimmer chance that you recognize yourself in this rant, I salute you - one finger only, though.

Try and guess which one.




Dave said...

I've become really senstive to this kind of behavior since I've been rear-ended (a few weeks ago). When it's possible and safe, I pull to the shoulder and then pull back out. Rather have these guys in front of me.

It's funny, most of the time, once they see you in back of them, they suddenly realize how much of an ass they were because they seem VERY interested in the fact you're now behind them. I doubt this guy would've felt any remorse. Sounded like an accident waiting to happen. He'll be taken care of in due time.

Lorence said...

I'm not getting much of a sense of remorse or concern from anyone out there. There are days when I actually feel invisible - pretty frightening. when I'm coming home from most places, I have to make a left hand turn onto my street from Broad. It's 3 lanes wide there and the traffic coming behind me has me totally paranoid now. they come screaming up on me in the left lane and swerve into the center lane at the last second barely missing me. It's really starting to scare the crap out of me, so much so that I'm looking for alternatives just to get home.